The Chicken Coop

My dad was diagnosed with a rare bone marrow cancer last April. Alongside that, he has dealt with chronic pain in his legs for years. For the past nine months, he’s been fighting. Recently, things have felt heavier, and time has felt shorter.

Regardless of life’s challenges, time doesn’t stop. Life keeps moving. There is still work, bills, family, friends, and kids and their friends. For us, there was also the joy of home ownership and fixing things, and my beautiful wife deciding we should get chickens. Suddenly, a man who had never built anything with his hands was trying to build a chicken coop.

You’re probably wondering where this is going, so I’ll get to the point. We live in a world where information has been at our fingertips for decades. You could Google almost anything. And now with AI there is very little you can’t figure out on your own. I became aware of this in a new way this year. Instead of starting with a search, I picked up my phone and called my dad.

I had never fixed a basement drain. Never changed the heating element in a dryer. Never replaced a dishwasher. And I had surely never built a chicken coop. From the foundation to the framing to the roof and the finishing touches, I called him. I asked questions. I listened. I’m deeply grateful I did. I made a few decisions without him, like using 4x4 corner posts and 3/4-inch plywood, which led him to laugh and ask how many chickens I planned to keep in there.

I wanted to share a few things that have settled into my body over the last year, in case they help someone else.

Whatever you do and wherever you work to provide for your family does not define you. I have Michael Jordan-level expectations for the work I contribute to the world, and while I’m on that path, I’ve had to reconcile with the fact that I’m not there yet. Your life should not revolve around your job. Don’t settle, and seek a work home that believes this too.

If life feels hard, find someone to talk to. I’ve been doing this for 3.5 years. It’s scary to share your deepest thoughts and feelings with someone you don’t know, but that is often where the real benefit lies. I’ve learned that depression and anxiety are not signs of weakness or signs that something is wrong with you. They are signals. Invitations to grow. If you are willing to look inward and step into that challenge, it is worth it.

Seek out things that make you uncomfortable. Say yes to challenges you feel only partly ready for. And when you need help, if you’re fortunate enough, call your mom or dad. Call a friend. Find a community. Asking for help creates opportunities for connection and belonging that we would otherwise never experience.

Lastly, above all, give yourself grace.

We belong to one another. If you’re walking through something hard (or building a chicken coop), my messages are always open.